Final Treatment, Adrenaline Let Down

I wrote this tonight to a friend I’ve made along this path, who’s husband was 5 treatments behind my own. She messaged me and I absolutely understand the underlying tone, the reach out for help. It was me last week. Here was my reply:

I think it’s the first week “treatments is over” crisis and let down. We had a goal and were doing something everyday to say we are fighting. When the horrifying daily appointments are over, the adrenaline rush subsides. They are our strong and handsome men, who have been brought to their knees, by something so unfair and wrong.

Our caretakers sense of fight is still pushing, though we are tired. The daily struggle of treatment is over though, and they want to feel better, but they don’t. Our energy is low, but it’s still stronger than theirs. The mother, the caretaker in us, finds those reserves and still has the surges of protective, “we gotta do this”, but they feel drained and on empty.

We have to swallow hard, and realize, as tired as we are, as excited as we are, they are still physically fighting. Their mental reserves hit rock bottom at some point though.

One moment I want to push him, tell him he has to fight harder through the wicked side effects, and take back his life from cancer. The next I want to wrap him in my arms and hold him and tell him it’s okay. It’s our duty to push them now. As tired as we are too, we swallow hard, and have to push through this too.