We hadn’t been able to tell Kevin’s mom Nadine. Nadine’s been having a tough time lately with pain and depression. At first, she was not “feeling good” and Kevin didn’t want to “push her over the edge”. Some days she was really good, others we knew she wasn’t getting up at all. “Not feeling good” seemed to be a sign of depression.
At first, Kevin wanted to know the prognosis and treatment plan before sharing the news with his mom.
Then, just a few days after Kevin was diagnosed with cancer, she took an ambulance ride to Modesto Memorial after having pain in her hip. Of course, not getting up and moving exasperated the situation. She was in the hospital for 5 days, released last Sunday, but needed some extra care and didn’t feel she could stay overnight by herself. So, my mom who has been a care provider for 30 years, shifted her schedule around and is now caring for Kevin’s mom for the next few weeks. Having someone there in the evening and in the morning seems to be working. We’ve started seeing mommo in better spirits and less complaints of pain. Depression and loneliness can be a painful diagnosis at any age. The added support from my mom caring for my mother in law is a tremendous relief to all our family, but especially to Kevin right now.
Last Thursday, we had an hour between the feeding tube instruction with an RN at Stockton Kaiser and a hearing test in Modesto Kaiser, to go see Kevin’s mom. It had been weighing on both our hearts and minds.
We were still in a delicate situation. We needed to tell her as Kevin would be starting treatment soon. Would the news break her further? Or spur her to break out of the depression, with momma instinct kicking in?
We brought her lunch. Kevin is pacing, making conversation, and suddenly I realize 30 minutes have gone by, and he hasn’t gotten any closer to telling her! I send him a 😘♥️💪🏼♥️ text. Then he starts pacing again. I’m realizing if I don’t do something we are not going to get this accomplished. My biggest fear is that my mother in law will find out by someone accidentally mentioning it to her. So, I look at my strong, handsome husband, who looks lost and I say, “Honey, do you want me to start?” In an instant, Kevin nods yes but I also see panic in his eyes.
“Mom, Kevin and I need to tell you something. First though, I want you to know Kevin will absolutely be okay. I promise you that. . . ”
Kevin jumped in and tried to reassure her and tell her the facts, but each time his voice would crack, and I could see the emotion in his eyes. Mommo didn’t disappoint, and she stayed strong. She heard the emotion in his voice and the emotion in his eyes, and she reassured him he would be okay.
Cimoli Strong 
Kevin is very fortunate to have you and your mom around obviously.
Sometimes in dealing with people who you would be afraid to share bad news with they surprise you and I think the reason may be that some of the source of depression comes from feeling helpless. By sharing and including them puts them on your team.
You guys are going to learn so much and find you are so much stronger than you would ever think. As always I wish you health.
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Thank you Pete. Yes- we have already learned so much and had tremendous support from people that have honestly surprised me. We are so blessed with great friends and family. We stopped to see Nadine toda and she looked better then she has in months. Mommo is tough and I know how important it is we have her apart of our team. Kevin “loves his Mommo!”
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